


To breathe again...

by ShamaelPandora



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s12e04 American Nightmare, Hugs, M/M, Non-Explicit Sex, Season/Series 12 Spoilers, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-07
Updated: 2016-11-07
Packaged: 2018-08-29 18:06:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8499880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShamaelPandora/pseuds/ShamaelPandora
Summary: When Mary leaves, Dean collapses, Sam helps him.





	

She had left. She was gone. The door of the bunker had been slammed shut between him and his mother. 

 

He couldn’t bear to look up. To see nothing but the void where she had stood a mere five minutes earlier. What had happened ? It was going well, they were finally reunited, happy. Sure she was a bit disoriented and lost, but that was normal, they would have easily worked it out. But now she was gone and with her, one was Dean’s hope of having his family with him, having his mother finally by his side. 

 

He didn’t even so much as look at her when she left, let alone hug her. It was all too much, he knew that if he looked up, touched her, he would have collapsed. He didn’t want her to see him in that state. It was pathetic. He was pathetic. But he couldn’t help feeling so alone, so empty. Everything good that ever happened to him was almost immediately taken away. Why couldn’t he be happy for once? After everything he had done? It wasn’t fair! 

 

He felt numb. He couldn’t move, still couldn’t bear to look up. Sam was still in the room, he couldn’t see his face, not when he was so vulnerable, he wouldn’t be able to stand it. 

 

He clenched his jaw trying to keep his face devoid of any emotion but he could already feel his eyes stinging. He couldn’t cry, not now, not in front of his brother. He was thirty-seven for God’s sake! He just wanted to run away from his brother so he wouldn’t see him like that, but he still couldn’t move. He knew that if he didn’t keep his grip on the table, he would collapse, his legs were already shaking. How pathetic was that? 

 

Sam was walking towards him, Dean turned his head even further away, regretting that he didn’t have long hair to hide his face. He remembered teasing Sam about his long hair when Mum had cut hers. Mum… no not again, he had to think about something else, Sam was so close to him now. Why was he so close? Why couldn’t he just leave him alone? 

 

Suddenly, he felt Sam’s hand on his shoulder. The contact alone was almost enough to bring the tears back. He almost jerked his shoulder to get Sam’s hand off him but the prospect of the lack of warmth coming from his brother was enough to stop him. His hand lingered for a moment, « Dean, hey man, look at me » came the hushed whisper of Sam’s voice. Dean shook his head, desperately trying not to let his tears fall. 

 

Suddenly he felt Sam gently pulling him towards his chest. He tried to fight back but the need for contact was too strong. He buried his face in the crook of Sam’s neck, deeply inhaling his brother's scent to calm himself down. He didn’t realize he was shaking until he felt Sam’s hand gently caressing his back while he whispered in his ear « It’s alright Dean, you can let go, I’ve got you brother ». 

 

His words were enough to break the dam and he let his tears fall freely, his body melting against Sam’s, drawing as much warmth and love as he could. He would never admit it but he had been craving this for a very long time, feeling his brother’s arms around him, feeling his love surrounding him, comforting him, being able to be vulnerable in front of his brother. 

 

He had never allowed himself to feel this way, always hiding behind teasing words and stupid « no chick flick moments » rules. After all, he was the one who had to take care of his baby brother, not the other way around. He couldn’t appear weak in front of him, never! He was afraid to lose Sam’s admiration, his trust, his love… But now, after everything that had happened, he could no longer control his emotions. 

 

A big part of him was still urging him to let go of his brother, to run away, to never speak about his breakdown again and deny it ever happened. Abandon before he was abandoned. But he couldn’t let go, not now. He would face whatever was going to happen next if it meant he could stay in his brother’s arms just a little while longer. 

 

Sam started gently stroking his brother’s hair, trying to convey as much love as he possibly could. His brother had been strong for way too long, never allowing himself to seek the comfort he obviously needed. Sam had seen him drowning himself in sex, alcohol, and hunting when it was becoming to much to bear. He had seen him gradually losing the battle against his pain over the years as his mask of indifference crumbled. 

 

Getting his mother back just to lose her again, had been too much for him, in his incredibly fragile state and Sam had watched his brother crumble in front of him. 

 

Had he been in his normal state, Dean would never have allowed his brother to see him like this, let alone touch him. He was convinced he needed to be the strong one, even though he was obviously unable to cope with everything that was happening. After all, no one could. Dean was only human and he needed to come to term with that fact. 

 

Dean was sobbing now, he could barely think, his emotions were so strong he could barely breathe. The only thing preventing him from falling apart completely was his brother’s strong arms, making him feel loved. He couldn’t get enough of that feeling. He needed to feel closer to him, to feel his love surrounding every cell of his body. A hug was no longer enough, he needed more. He didn’t feel like he could afford to be careful anymore, he just wanted to stop drowning. He raised his head and keeping his eyes shut, he pressed a hesitant kiss on his brother’s lips. 

 

 

It felt like he had finally come home after a seemingly endless journey, it felt like fire but it didn’t hurt, it felt so good he could barely comprehend it. No matter what people would say, no matter what Sam would say, he knew this was right. Ant it was all that mattered right now. 

 

 

Sam was stunned to say the least. It was the last thing he would have expected from his brother. After all, he was the one who always refused to engage into any physical display of affection. But it didn’t feel strange or disgusting as he first thought it would. It just felt right. Like he had finally found what was missing from his life this entire time, what was preventing him from feeling at peace. Now, he had it and he wasn’t going to let go. 

Holding his brother even closer to him, he deepened the kiss, wiping his brother’s tears with his thumb. 

 

Dean was barely conscious of his surroundings. All that mattered was Sam, his skin pressed against his, his hot breath mixing with his, his hands on his hair and neck, caressing him gently, and more importantly the love that was radiating from him, making Dean feel alive again. He needed it, more than anything in the world.

« more, please, I need… » he whispered into his brother’s neck

 

After an instant of hesitation, Sam nodded and gathered Dean into his arm, carrying him towards his bedroom. Smiling at how young Dean looked, he gently laid him on the bed before climbing next to him. He was slightly hesitant about what to do next. He wasn’t sure what Dean needed exactly, he didn’t want to force him into anything he didn’t want to do. 

 

He didn’t have to wait long though. Keeping his eyes closed and his face hidden in Sam’s neck, Dean kicked his shoes off and started slowly removing his shirt. He was trembling though and his face was still hidden. 

 

Sam gently caught his wrists, keeping him from removing the rest of his clothes. He felt Dean tense against him. Hugging him close to him, Sam whispered, « Hey, Dean, it’s okay, it’s just… are you sure you really want this? ». Dean nodded jerkily « I need this, I need you, so much… Please don’t leave me » he let out in a pained whisper. 

 

« Shh… Alright, it’s alright, I’m never gonna let you go, don’t worry »

Sam held his brother closer to him, stroking his hair until he felt his tremors subside. He then removed his shirt and shoes. They were both half-naked now. Sam felt a surge of desire urging him to touch as much skin as he possibly could. He hurriedly removed the rest of his clothes and Dean’s who didn’t let go of him. 

 

Now that their naked body were pressed together, hot skin against hot skin, the desire they felt was overwhelming. They started exploring each other’s body. They could finally feel each other, the smell of their skin in the most intimate places, the way their hairs rose, the texture of their skin, every single scar that had, the way their bodies molded together…

 

It was way beyond anything they had ever experienced before. They felt both surrounded by their love for each other, connected in every sense of the way. They had finally found each other after spending so many years looking for what was missing without realizing it was right there all along. Nothing existed but them, together at long last. Dean felt finally whole. He no longer felt the need to desperately search for his parents, trying to fill the void he had felt in his heart. He had found what he needed.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Please leave a comment!  
> English is not my first language so I'm sorry If I made any mistakes. Please correct me if I did.


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